Today I am happy to say I feel good. I refilled my Dilectin prescription which is working better than I realized (two days of unmedicated nausea will do that). I think Zilla is fighting a battle in my belly... or I have really awkward gas, but based on where my intestines are currently located... its my child working out.
Not much new to report... we meet with Anita again next week and in less than two weeks our last ultrasound (fingers crossed). This is also the ultrasound where we have the potential to determine whether I am carrying a little girl or a little guy.
It's funny... from the beginning of the idea to conceive I assumed a boy would be first. I always assumed a boy. It never crossed my mind that I could parent a girl, not that I wouldn't love a little Melanie running around. It just never occurred to me that a girl could be exactly what we get, not until my good friend Angie made her, almost never wrong, prediction of a little girl.
Even then I still laughed at the idea... I was clearly having boys.
Now I don't know... all the wives tales point to girl (9 out of 10), but I still dream of having a son, which has to mean something. I am happy either way to have a bouncy bundle of love float into our lives, but a girl changes the game. I am more afraid of raising a girl. I know how much work I was. I know the challenges with a girl vs. a boy.
That being said... I would love to have a daughter. My mother drives me crazy, but I love her and would be lost without her. I see Richard's mother and all the struggles she faces, because she doesn't have that bond with a daughter. She wants it with me, but its not the same and it can't be forced.
Having a daughter means baking together, gossiping, talking about boys, planning a wedding, sharing a pregnancy and all the other mother daughter things, Richard's mothers will never have without a fight. That makes me excited to have a little girl... maybe she will love dresses and flowers, maybe she'll love dirt bikes and mud. She will own mine and Richards heart for her entire existence... her poor little brother (hoping for one of each... hehe).
And the relationship between our little girl and her Dad... it melts my heart to think of him with her... learning about ballet and princesses, sitting down for tea and nursing her first broken heart. He'll work to teach her about tools and oil changes so she'll never depend on a man for anything... no man other than Dad. She will look at him like he's a hero and he will look at her like she owns his heart.
That is why having a girl would be amazing... the teaming up on Richard, because GIRLS RULE is just an added bonus.
Now having a boy... it just seems so natural. A special little guy to snuggle with, to watch him grow into a man like his Dad would be the best accomplishment I could have. Helping him prepare for prom and tie his shoes (those are backwards, I hope by Prom my little guy can tie his shoes... although its family rule to slip into DCs). I can't wait to hear him say he loves me and I am the only girl for him, knowing its not true; kissing his scrapped knee as he tries not to cry.
Teaching him the right way to treat a girl and the benefit to having a softer side. Playing in dirt piles and learning about trucks. Watching him and Richard get all greased up in the garage upgrading his dirt bike. Hearing his stories of bad guys and hero's.
Aw... I am all full of emotional goo today. I just can't wait to whom ever floating around on the inside.
Love!
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